For ONE HOUR of FREE RELATIONSHIP COACHING with SUSAN ALLAN, syndicated columnist and consummate relationship coach, PLEASE EMAIL email@example.com
TO DIRTY DIVORCE 101 and
What will it take to make you a divorce expert? You can earn an advanced degree or receive on-the-job training. And if you're getting a divorce then you are already living in Divorce Hell, racking up credits through your own work-study program. In our Online Humor Course, Dirty Divorce 101, you will learn some basic vocabulary: adultery, alimony, attorney, child custody, child support, depression, ex-parte, family court, hearing, joint custody, judgment, litigation, marriage, mediation, paternity, prenuptial agreement, pro se, quit claim, restraining order, sanctions, separation, settlement, spousal support, subpoena, visitation and even writ of execution. With the help of jokes and cartoons, we will train you in the art of divorce survival.
But there is one term you will never see here; uncontested divorce. Like the Sasquatch, the Loch Ness monster and the yeti; there are numerous reports of it's existence, but no one has ever seen one except in a fairy tale.
To receive your PhDD. and to be addressed as, "Doctor of Dirty Divorce", please enroll in this simple, free online humor course.
Learn anytime, anywhere; even in the hallowed halls of family court as you and your attorney wait and wait and wait. Your attorney's time is being wasted, it's true, but there is compensation- YOUR life savings. Now you, too, can finally get your money's worth. Learn something really valuable from your lawyer. Don't just sit on those benches and bitch and gloat; get training that can save your life. If you select topics carefully you may save your house but not for your spouse.
A TEST DRIVE
Here is Lesson #1 While waiting for your hearing, debate the comparative attributes of the following with your attorney:
by reason of insanity. (Not so fast Californians; you're in the inner
circle of Divorce Hell; "NO FAULT DIVORCE".
Be sure to join the Dirty Divorce Community so that you can receive our bi-monthly Dirty Divorce Newsletter and your password to post on our Bulletin board.
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You can't afford to pay your attorney to listen to all your ravings so join us and buddy up; this way you can avoid your therapist's couch at least one day a week and also give your friends a rest. What are friends? They're the other people with couches. The ones you're not allowed to sleep on anymore.
Join us; misery loves company and we've been there and we understand.
You won't need the Marquis of Queensbury to explain the rules here. You've probably heard that in divorce- there are none. It's every man for himself and no holds barred. And if you decide to box like a gentleman or a lady you can join some of us in the loser's circle. But if you do land there at least you will be able to live with yourself. Which is a good thing since you'll probably be alone.
marriage is in trouble, or if you think it is, be sure to identify the
situation honestly. That means asking a professional. In my case, I couldn't
identify my trouble going in and I was blinded by the atomic bombs on
the way out. Which proves, once again, the superior eyesight of dogs;
mine saw this coming years before I did.
Logic doesn't work here, common sense doesn't exist here. Divorce is a combination of legal precedent, psychological warfare and the grace (or not) of the deity of your choice. And who was that patron saint of lost causes?
Fortitude is easy when there are no feelings. If you're living in a Menage a Trauma, then take the pheromone challenge: is there the scent of a psycho in your house? Are you the Chairman of the board and care?
Do you want to see a guilty person go free? Decide if you can save your marriage and also save yourself. Seek professional help, please. Couples therapy, support groups and Weight Watcher's are all waiting just for you. And we're here for you, too. "Who loves you baby?" We do.
is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either
are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously,
and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales
is entirely coincidental.