Tolucan Times December 18, 2003
Serving the communities of: Toluca Lake - Magnolia Park - Burbank - Media District - Universal City - Encino - Valley Village - North Hollywood - Hollywood Hills - Larchmont District - Studio City - Sherman Oaks - Glendale
ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN
For one hour free relationship coaching, firstname.lastname@example.org
WHAT MAKES A NEW YEAR “NEW”?
What is it about The New Year that triggers an overwhelming desire for change? Is it the word “new” or is it our unending desire for wish fulfillment, postponed over the year but never alleviated or satisfied? Spiritual masters often speak about the gap in wanting; the slice of time between having our last wish fulfilled and the time we come up with our next one. Sometimes the gap in wanting is wide and we experience satisfaction and peace with a new relationship, job; home or baby. But sometimes within days of achieving our dream, we feel worried because new desires and needs begin to flood our conscious mind. Why does this holiday create havoc with so many relationships; is it because a new year reawakens our yearning for a fresh start? Even when a spouse is mature, responsible, committed, what is it about the New Year that makes so many cry, “divorce!”?
“I played Santa Clause many times, and if you don't believe it, check out the divorce settlements awarded my wives.” Groucho Marx
I'm feel like I'm working through your 7 STAGES in anticipation of a divorce but my husband seems stuck in Denial and Rage stage. How should I handle this?
Our new video, "Overcoming the 7 Stages of Trauma including Divorce" will allow him to check in with his feelings. Instead of spending your time hoping to have a conversation with him, you will be able to move to needs and then strategies very quickly. We find that with a video, the understanding arises very quickly in the spouse who is not “caught up” with the other.
Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan
My wife and I are separated now for three months. I fly for a living
for the airlines. My days off are largely spent watching my son while
she works. I recently had four days off and told her I was going to take
them for myself. She says I have no interest in my son now, that's not
fair! Is it ok for me to take time for myself every once in a while?
Dear Divorce Coach,
I was divorced on 7/28/03 and ordered to pay alimony and child support
each week for 1 minor child. I am currently totally disabled and receive
workers comp from the federal govt. With the amount I have to pay weekly
for child support and alimony, with what I have left over to live on
is leaving me with a large deficit each month and I borrow money from
a friend to get by and pay my bills. Can I go back into court with documented
income and expenses and show my deficit and ask that child support and/or
alimony be decreased as I am not able to live each month with the money
I have left to me without borrowing from a friend? Thanks for your assistance.
Susan Allan COO of The Divorce Forum