Tolucan Times February 6, 2004
Serving the communities of: Toluca Lake - Magnolia Park - Burbank - Media District - Universal City - Encino - Valley Village - North Hollywood - Hollywood Hills - Larchmont District - Studio City - Sherman Oaks - Glendale



For one hour free relationship coaching,



 Did you know that President Bush's had announced a Marriage Protection Week last October? Would you be interested in extending it to MARRIAGE PROTECTION YEAR in your home? Here's the government's plan. The alternative is that in 2005 70% of all marriages are expected to end in divorce! And here's an area in which America really can lead the rest of the world; as in air quality control through auto emission reduction; as in education to reduce teen smoking and drug use.

  1. To preserve the sanctity of marriage and to build strong and healthy marriages in America .

  2. To support the institution of marriage by helping couples build successful marriages and be good parents.

  3. To help couples develop the skills and knowledge to form and sustain healthy marriages.

  4. Through education and counseling programs, faith-based, community, and government organizations to promote healthy marriages and a better quality of life for children.

  5. To express support for the institution of marriage with all its benefits to our people, our culture.

President Bush wants the nation to spend $1.5-billion to promote marriage; I am still offering a free hour of phone coaching to individuals or couples who need information, support or advice. Is there anyone who would not support such a program? The problem occurs when we attempt to agree on strategies that will meet all our needs, and thus we are returned to the basic cause of divorce; different people with different needs attempting to develop and agree to a strategy that works for all. The only language I have discovered which addresses and resolves exactly this problem is Nonviolent Communication™ developed by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. more than 40 years ago and practiced in over 50 countries around the world.

Dear Divorce Coach,

My husband feels that I have failed him in every aspect of our marriage, from I work too much to our financial problems, to the lack of a child in the marriage. He is angry all the time so I told him if he wants a divorce I will grant it but I can't live in a house full of anger and non communication (he won't talk to me). We own a home together but how do I know if I have to leave or he until we sell the house and split any profits. He says he wont go. I don't want to leave either. we have to sell if we split. I don't want to split, its his decision.

In heartache but not stupid.

Dear In Heartache,

Actually, "its his decision" is not absolutely true. 90% of all divorce decisions are based on negotiation. When I read about his anger and his needs that are not being met, I believe that teaching you Nonviolent Communication would help you negotiate an equitable settlement. I offer a free hour of phone coaching to explain this so let me know if you wish the experience. Alternatively, our video, "How to Avoid Divorce" will also teach you how to improve your thinking, listening and speaking even during the difficult phase ahead.

Sincerely yours,
Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan


Dear Divorce Coach,

This is my first time. I'm scared and lonely. I have been with this man for since high school. We are now in our late 20s and its already to the point that he does not come home any more.. But then he tells me things are gong to me okay not to worry. But there are other times that he says he is going to leave me but still comes home. I'm scared. I don't want to lose him but I think I already did.

Sincerely yours,
Just Tired


Dear Just Tired,

In my video, "How to Avoid Divorce", I teach the basics of listening to your partner's needs and speaking about your own in a peaceful, loving conversation. It takes some practice but it is based on a simple series of exercises. I also offer a free hour phone consultation.

Sincerely yours,
Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan

Bonding is encouraged when you lovingly tell each other the truth, especially when that is not easy for the listener to hear. When the listener can stay present with the lover's feelings and unmet needs instead of hearing criticism or rejection, the speaker may feel “heard”. Then, a new plateau of understanding, love and connection may be reached.

Readers have expressed their concern that the new government's initiative either challenges the separation of church and state or may seem exclusionary to their own religion. I urge you to focus on the potential benefits of financial support for improving marriages through education and various trainings. In fact, my own Unconditional Love Training included in the “How to Avoid Divorce” video may be the most shocking news since the new Testament! I have clients who are ministers and even they are embarrassed when I remind them that Unconditional Love eliminates the “enemy image” of our partners, our children and ourselves. That is the true foundation of love and marriage, not money, power or six pack abs.  Please remember that the primary foundation for The Healthy Marriage Initiative is love, trust and respect. Will you take the initiative?


For 101 Divorce Survival Secrets, and free E-zine, visit . For one hour of free, private telephone coaching, contact



Susan Allan COO of The Divorce Forum™