ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN

For one hour free relationship coaching, susanallan@thedivorceforum.com

ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN

 THE BAIT & SWITCH B-TCH

 Zsa Zsa Gabor said, “You never know a man until you divorce him”. Perhaps you never know some women until you marry them!

Sometimes, being naïve is charming; as in children believing in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny. However, if you have received an email from Africa asking you to help claim $8,000,000 and you have sent your life's savings then isn't that innocence and trust dangerous? When you dangle a treat in front of a cat, the pet will normally grab it. When you find yourself married to someone who first attempted to acquire you and is now, secretly, attempting to acquire your acquisitions, what can you do? Do you believe you were sold a bill of goods? Does your relationship look like a shell game? Who is responsible when your bride turns into the Countess of Accounts?

Many of my clients explain that before marriage, their relationships included loving intimacy, great sex and frequent repetitions of everyone's favorite word, “Yes!” However, after the wedding, they discovered “The 5 Minute Rule” which states that 5 minutes after the wedding, you discover your real partner.

Dear Divorce Coach,

My boyfriend paid his wife's lawyer for a divorce because she said she agreed to it. It's been 3 yrs. that we've been together. The lawyer sent her the papers and it's been 3 months and we haven't received anything. Now she won't return my boyfriend's calls. Is this default? Can something be done? She is doing this for spite; they lived together for 3 weeks and we have been together for 3 years. Help us please; money is really tight!

Sincerely,
Up the Creek

Dear Up,

When I read, “My boyfriend paid his wife's lawyer for a divorce”, your boyfriend gave up his power and money. He needs his own divorce professional; a paralegal/mediator who does filings which is less expensive than an attorney. I hope that he kept a copy of the paperwork which may reduce costs.

Sincerely yours,
Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan

Dear Divorce Coach,

I met my husband in a known pick-up spot Bangkok . He is American, makes about $36,000 per year. He seemed nice and took care of me and we had sex. He went home and proposed. I agreed because he seemed nice, able to care for me, and provide a visa to America . We married. He started paying for visa applications. Everything was approved; we only waited to be interviewed. Then he decided to cancel the process of guaranteeing my visa. He gave the reasons that it cost him too much money. I asked, “Is this because of money, because the process of applying for my visa is almost done, or another woman?” He admitted that he did find another woman. He also said that he didn't want to provide me with a way to America so that I could blackmail him. I have emailed and called him several times, but he never answers or replies back. What should I do? I am very poor and desperate.

Sincerely,
Abandoned in Bangkok

Dear Abandoned,

I have visited Thailand many times and I understand the problems created by American armed forces using Bangkok for R and R. Unfortunately, most relationships like yours do not work out. What would you have done if you had never met him? That is what I suggest; it looked more promising than it turned out to be. After a short-term marriage there is no provision for you to receive money or a visa.

Sincerely yours,
Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan

Dear Divorce Coach,

After my 1st divorce I wanted to meet someone who would be good to me and my children.  I made a big mistake. He was eager to get married; I was hesitant but didn't want to be alone.   I got married, brought him into my home and he stayed there for 2 years without paying me.  I started complaining. He talked about his children visiting.  A waitress claiming to be his girlfriend called asking for $10,000.00 to stay away from him and his family.   He moved out but we would have dinner together and go to my house.  He persuaded me to go to his lawyer to sign papers for his children for a green card.  I did, thinking that we were husband and wife and that everything was ok. Now I discovered the truth; he has a secret business and won't give me any money.

Sincerely,
Green Card

Dear Green,

You know hat your original desperation caused you to make a decision that you soon regretted. Unfortunately, you seem to have continued to have this need for companionship without realizing the bitter cost you would pay. I urge you to choose; either for the companionship and face the financial aspects or disconnect, seek help to heal. Our video, “The 7 Stages of Overcoming Trauma including Divorce” will train you. I urge you to heal before attracting a new relationship.

Sincerely yours,
Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan

“Bait and Switch” rhymes with RICH! If you own a home; if your income is more than your partner's; be careful! Sometimes in a stick-up, it's “your money or your life”!

For 101 Divorce Survival Secrets, and free E-zine, visit www.thedivorceforum.com , with Collaborative Divorce information. For one hour of free, private telephone coaching, contact susanallan@thedivorceforum.com