Tolucan Times January 8, 2004
Serving the communities of: Toluca Lake - Magnolia Park - Burbank - Media District - Universal City - Encino - Valley Village - North Hollywood - Hollywood Hills - Larchmont District - Studio City - Sherman Oaks - Glendale
ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN
For one hour free relationship coaching, firstname.lastname@example.org
THE PARENTING TRAP
Some divorced parents refuse to introduce a new love interest to their children for fear that the child will become upset or disappointed if the relationship ends. The concern may be that if the new friend goes away or is sent away that this will cause emotional distress to their children. We asked Sally Franz, parenting expert, youth minister and author for her wisdom on this essential aspect of divorce and dating.
“My question is this…Why are you dating someone who you already have doubts about? Why are you so quickly involved with someone without first becoming just friends? You should approach new relationships as friendships that will last a lifetime. How would you build one like that? You'd take your time. You wouldn't push for physical intimacy, You'd see what they are committed to. You'd see if they possess communication skills. You would watch their reactions; are they stingy or generous? Is their thinking based on fear or love? How do they handle anger? Is their faith similar to yours? You'd spend less time with someone lacking friendship skills. Here's what it boils down to: If the person you are dating is not kind, faith-based, and generous, not only should you keep your kids away from them---you shouldn't see them either!” Sally Franz, youth minister and author of The Baby Boomers Guide series
Dear Divorce Coach,
My friend is going through a separation/divorce. There is a 12 yr. old child involved. There has been no custody awarded as of yet. They live in Illinois , and she wants to move to California . Legally, can she bring her 12 yr. old son with her?
There are many factors involved in custody and if the father fights the move it may be difficult unless there is a job involved in the relocation. Many couples who agree on joint custody create a parenting plan that involves awarding school days to one parent and holidays to the other. However, there are many options that may be more appropriate. There are different strategies that she may employ to encourage a mediated settlement that may meet the needs of both parents and the child. I have seen agreements where the parent wishing increased custody has agreed to accept diminished child support in order to “sweeten the deal”. I offer a 1 hr. free coaching session to demonstrate how she may improve her negotiation skills to reach a settlement.
Dear Divorce Coach,
My wife & I have been married for 18 years. We have 3 kids, all under 18. We don't get along anymore, fighting about money, kids, and anything else that's handy. We have gone through marriage counseling, but the "skills" we have learned from counseling seem to "wear off" after a while. I would like to get a divorce but it would be a "mess" financially because we live paycheck to paycheck. If we get a divorce, would the judge award the house and everything else to my wife, because she would undoubtedly get custody of the kids?
Dear Divorce Coach,
After almost 10 years, my wife has sued me for divorce. I am shocked and sad. We have two beautiful daughters. She wants custody, child support, etc. We live together; she wants me to move out. Will I lose, in court if I leave? It's not fun being the same house with her.
For 101 Divorce Survival Secrets, and free E-zine, visit www.thedivorceforum.com , with Collaborative Divorce information. For one hour of free, private telephone coaching, contact email@example.com
Susan Allan COO of The Divorce Forum