Santa Monica Observer October 28, 2003


As seen in The Santa Monica Observer Weekly



Was it really stealing? Perhaps you were on auto-pilot and your spouse, in neutral, just rolled forward, down the hill and out of sight. What can you do now? Many wives contact me to save their marriage after the separation. Many husbands send me emails telling me what's wrong with their spouse and P.S., “How can I get her BACK???? Please!”

If you knew your marriage was in trouble, what would you do? If you knew your family was in jeopardy how far would you go to seek help and transformation? For many, servicing their car is more regular than servicing their marriage. What are the danger signs; how many have you ignored and what can you do now, before it's too late?


Divorce Danger Signs

Before the car breaks down, do you check the dashboard for danger? Before it runs out of gas, do you notice if you're “running on empty”?

  1. How to resuscitate your marriage before it's DOA?
  2. How to replace your husband's mistress or your wife's mister?
  3. How to reconnect separate bedrooms?
  4. How to experience Unconditional Love after all these years?

Dear Divorce Coach,

My almost-X enabled me to enjoy, golf and fishing for the first few years. Then she cracked the whip and I loved working. The attitude, now, is she is unhappy again and wants out. Where do I go from here? Our Boy is only 8 years old. We fight rather than rekindle the flame. I would get a coach just as have one for my work. Maybe humans should have 7 year marriage contract with option to renew?

Get Over IT

Dear Get,

I would suggest my “How to Avoid Divorce” training video that you may enjoy.

You would receive new techniques of thinking, listening, speaking and acting that will allow you to reconnect to your wife with love and move past the sadness, disappointment, fear and anger. It is most interesting that only one spouse need do the work for the relationship to transform. I offer individual role-play training based on individual stories, issues and needs. Even if the spouse chooses to divorce, this training may be remarkable in allowing for calm mediation instead of confrontational legal proceedings. I totally agree on the "option to renew"!

Sincerely yours,
Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan  

CLIENT: “I'm happier than I've been with her in a long time; a lot of the tensions that were there are gone! Thank you. TH Santa Monica , CA

Dear Divorce Coach,

I have been married 2 years to an alcoholic/drug addict. I knew this before marriage but it has gotten worse. We are friends; not lovers. I am miserable and I don't know if I could handle the guilt of divorcing him. I am starving for attention and don't see things improving. We live from paycheck to paycheck and sometimes can't pay our bills. I can take care of myself alone but I can't work up the nerve to leave. I do love him a lot and don't know if I can handle the guilt if I leave him. Not to mention missing him. Please advise.

Drug and chug-a-lug

Dear Drug and chug-a-lug,

You describe the scenario of most marriages that include drug usage and I urge you to visit Alanon for their excellent support. In addition, I would coach you to address the “guilt of divorcing him or leaving him”. Often, one partner has a need to contribute and the other has a need for emotional and/or financial support. Or you may have a need for companionship while he needs more privacy. Once you can examine your needs and his, strategies may be created that would allow you both to choose our next step.

Sincerely yours,
Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan

According to Herrmann Brain Dominance™, there are four thinking styles; Logical, Organized, Emotional and Visionary. Many spouses complain that they feel unloved because their mate lacks romance. Often husbands believe that income demonstrates love or wives believe that mothering children is evidence of commitment. If the partners don't speak the same “language”, there is constant misunderstanding and numerous unmet needs. Can you guess your type and your partner's and if so, can you imagine how to show your love and commitment that would be most appreciated?

For 101 Divorce Survival Secrets, and free E-zine, visit , with Collaborative Divorce information. For one hour of free, private telephone coaching, contact



Susan Allan COO of The Divorce Forum™