Santa Monica Observer September 18, 2003


As seen in The Santa Monica Observer Weekly



 Are you a central casting type with an interesting divorce story? Fox has asked our support in their search that will rival the famous hunt for Scarlet O'Hara. They need a few good men- and who doesn't? The new reality show, “Divorce Stories”, needs you if your divorce was finalized in the last five years, if you and your ex had no children and if the dust has settled and the blood, sweat and tears have dried. Please send your questions to us regarding this opportunity at

You may believe that “good men” are fictional like the Yeti, the Sasquatch and the unicorn. Or do you believe that “good men” evade capture and are elusive like the African bongo and bush pig? Our field research provides evidence that “good men” more closely resemble feral cats; skittish, shy, and hungry. What are the qualities they possess that make them desirable? Are intelligence, kindness, sex appeal, and a career enough? What make one man irresistible and labels another man “reject”? Our clients report that self-confidence and compassion are essential qualities because unless you possess self-respect you don't have the security to offer love to another, do you? If you're frightened and angry, how can you be a peaceful companion?

You mother's adage of “a hostess in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a hooker in the bedroom” has never been more true, especially now that there's competition for good men from both “good girls” and “bad girls”. In my coaching sessions I find that I am offering more and more sex coaching during reconciliation training on “How to Avoid Divorce” so that “good men” don't stray. And men, remember that America 's best kept secret is that “Mum's the word” and Mum has the LAST word since married women rarely brag about their conquests.

Dear Divorce Coach,

I love my boyfriend but I am worried about his past financial problems. He's really generous to me but I have a horrible feeling it's all smoke, mirrors and credit cards. What should I do?

Sincerely yours,

Financial Flee-dom

Dear Financial,

If you begin to discuss living together and before you live together, we urge you to view the last 3 years of each other's IRS returns, credit card bills and credit reports. This response is from Michael Krycler, founder of Krycler, Ervin, Taubman & Walheim, CPA firm specializing in dissolutions in Sherman Oaks, CA and consultant to . “It is not unusual for one party to find themselves being chased for taxes owed by the new spouse from a period prior to marriage.  Often, parties marry and the community is chased by creditors of one spouse relating to premarital debt such as for back child and spousal support.” 

Sincerely yours,

Ask The Divorce Coach, Susan Allan  

CLIENT: “Susan, I want to let you know what an impact you had on my life. I will use the tools you showed me to insure I have freedom and ease through life.” LS Venice , CA

Dear Divorce Coach,

We filed for divorce in July. My “ex”-husband has a girlfriend but he says I could get trouble if I date anyone?  Is that true?

Sincerely yours,

Alone Unnaturally

Dear Alone,

If you have children, he may be concerned that they would be "negatively impacted" by a new relationship. However, he would need to prove this after requesting the court order psychological evaluations of the family. I'm wondering if his motive is an attempt to gain control over this painful situation in which he must let go of the marriage and of his ability to be present in his children's lives every day. I would urge you to call for a free session in Nonviolent Communication™ so that you can empathize with his fears instead of reacting with your own.

Sincerely yours,

Ask the Divorce Coach, Susan Allan

Both good men and women share many of the same qualities of peace, compassion, a willingness to meet their own needs and to contribute to making your life more wonderful. If you spot such a critter in the wild and don't see a band from the game warden on it's finger, please report it immediately and we'll send him or her over to Fox Television for an audition!

For 101 Divorce Survival Secrets, and free E-zine, visit , with Collaborative Divorce information. For one hour of free, private telephone coaching, contact



Susan Allan COO of The Divorce Forum™