Santa Monica Observer September 15, 2002
ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN
Learn from The Divorce Experts: Susan Allan; Mark Patt, Esq., Managing Partner of Trope and Trope; Deanie Kramer, Mediator for "Divorce Court TV" and founder of Divorce Resource; Michael Krycler, C.P.A., Founder of Krycler, Ervin, Schreiber & Walheim; Sally Franz, Youth Minister & author; William Stierle, President Corporate Culture Development; Rev. Bernard Goodman, Psychic healer & author
THE 7 STAGES OF DIVORCE© are PANIC, DENIAL, AGONY, RAGE, EPIPHANY, NEGOTIATION AND PEACE
STAGE IV RAGE
RAGE is violent and uncontrolled anger. It may be the human reaction to traumatic events but we must learn to process our anger responsibly and completely in order to reach PEACE.
"While feelings of RAGE towards one's spouse are often part of the divorce process, such feelings need to be curbed or held in check in the legal proceedings Expressions of rage as part of the legal proceeding are counterproductive and can often lead to adverse consequences." Mark Patt, Esq. Managing partner of Trope and Trope
Please send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Divorce Coach©,
My daughter is married to a man who has tantrums. He is a good provider but he has a temper and he screams. She loves him but I worry about her safety. What are her rights?
Mother and Law,
The laws for spousal abuse in California have changed radically since the death of Nicole Brown Simpson. You don't mention physical threats or injury but your daughter should know that a call to 911 has become a serious commitment to prosecution as it never was before. Arrests now result in a high percentage of convictions. I would urge her to seek couples therapy and rage management training for her husband.
The Divorce Coach©
I discovered an erotic love letter to my wife and confronted her. She began to yell and to punch me. She threatened to kill me; to leave and to take our child. I have never seen her like this. If I push her, she'll leave but if I don't, she'll continue the affair. And maybe she'll leave anyway. And I can't have her raging in front of our daughter.
You may wish you could control your wife. However, with the exception of Restraining Orders and police intervention, your power lies in speaking calmly and compassionately with her. The techniques of nonviolent communication available in our seminars in October and November will teach you the basics. When you learn how to listen to her needs and to tell her your own, the possibility of compromise appears. I encourage you to discuss these issues when you are alone with your wife and your daughter is elsewhere.
The Divorce Coach©
Susan Allan COO of The Divorce Forum