Santa Monica Observer August 25, 2002


Are you going through THE 7 STAGES OF DIVORCE? Are you having unprecedented mood swings? Do thoughts appear which cause you to feel terrified, enraged or confused? For some of my clients, discovering and understanding THE 7 STAGES immediately improves their state of mind. Once you understand that these STAGES are the natural progressions during divorce, you may more easily process through them, step by step.

THE 7 STAGES OF DIVORCE are PANIC, DENIAL, AGONY, RAGE, EPIPHANY, NEGOTIATION AND PEACE. Each week we will investigate your options in dealing with one of the STAGES so that you will be able to reach PEACE. Some of my clients experience these STAGES in the order in which they are listed; some do not. Other clients may be unaware of experiencing one or more STAGES. As you become more familiar with the STAGE as it appears, you may learn quicker responses and healing. You will also be trained in 101 Divorce Survival Secrets. A key secret is to allow your divorce to motivate you to heal all the pivotal issues in relationships, parenting and sexuality that you did not previously complete. Just as you will see that this is the great opportunity of divorce, you will experience that divorce may become the path to PEACE that has been eluding you. For a complete explanation of THE 7 STAGES OF DIVORCE, please visit

PANIC is an extreme mental and emotional state of fear. It is normal to experience the "fight or flight" impulse. In divorce, it may be appropriate to flee at one moment; to fight later; or vice-versa.

"We experience a fear of the Fear which is Panic. Fear cannot be a stopping place….It must be a reflecting place where you forgive yourself for loving and trusting someone who hurt you." Frank Zizzo, Ph. D.


Dear Divorce Coach©

Some mornings I awaken in such a state of terror that I can hardly get out of bed to go to work. On the weekends, I just lie there and imagine all the terrible things that my husband is trying to do to me. What can I do?

Scared to Death

Dear Scared,

Many of my clients have had the same experience during divorce. One client found that learning to meditate made all the difference. Even though she was taking anti-depressant medication, it was not until she learned to meditate that she began to silence the inner voice that sounded an hourly alarm. In addition, many visit Dr. Fitzgerald of The Santa Monica Wellness Center which offers natural and homeopathic support for anxiety. Once you have begun to manage PANIC, I recommend The Inquiry of Byron Katie to assess which thoughts are valid and which are not.

For additional training in THE 7 STAGES, Divorce Forum™ Seminars will be held at Quest in Santa Monica beginning in October.

Please send your questions to
We will reply to you in addition to printing selected questions





Susan Allan COO of The Divorce Forum™