Santa Monica Observer August 17, 2004
As seen in The Santa Monica Observer Weekly
ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN
LOVE'S LOST & FOUND
Often a partner is desperate for peace and longs to transform a relationship; sometimes the preferred strategy is to let go. How will you decide which path is best for you and for your children? My success in training individuals or couples in “How to Avoid Divorce” is 100% if even 1 partner is committed to doing the work. There is only a small window open to transform your communication with your husband or wife, which begins by FIRST shifting thoughts within yourself during individual coaching sessions. While Coaching is not therapy; it offers skills that support you to produce the results you decide are essential to your peace of mind. Sometimes, once a client gains clarity about what WOULD work, the preference is divorce but this understanding creates the peace that is the result of options.
Dear Divorce Coach,
After 30 years my wife and I are going our separate ways. We are joint owners of our home which is clear of a mortgage. My wife is on Social Security Disability and receives $619.00 monthly. I'm also disabled and receive two pensions, both totaling $1667.25 monthly. If we let the courts settle the proceeds from the sale of the house, will she get more money than I? Again, we have no earning capacity. What do you think I will have to pay in alimony?
I am not yet divorced, but I know in my heart it must happen. My husband has been in/out of our lives for years. We have been married for 22yrs. and he has been struggling w/drug abuse, incarceration. Recently he was incarcerated for 6mos. he was released and 1 1/2 months after, he left again. When I ran into him, he stated he was staying with a friend, and I asked why he left w/out an explanation he stated he felt the kids didn't want him there. He never called me for almost 2 months. How can I just make that step and leave him permanently? I want to move on. I know I must let go! Apparently he doesn't want anything to do with us. Please help.
Learning new thinking skills to help you disconnect will include an understanding of your few needs that are met by your marriage and the long list of needs that are not met.
Susan Allan COO of The Divorce Forum