ASK THE DIVORCE COACH©, SUSAN ALLAN

7 SURVIVAL TIPS© OF www.thedivorceforum.com

Did you catch Fox News Wednesday July 14 th on The Divorce Forum™? If you are not on our emailing list, you miss How to Avoid Divorce Trainings and how to survive The 7 Stages of Divorce, too! This month we launch www.themarriageforum.com to focus on all your questions about transforming relationships.

 Tip1 Consult secretly with a Divorce Financial Planner or divorce financial expert BEFORE discussing divorce with your spouse.

Tip 2 Consult secretly with a successful divorce attorney if there is substantial money, children's custody issues or any danger involved BEFORE discussing divorce with your spouse.

Tip 3 Learn new skills to communicate BEFORE you discuss divorce issues with Marital Mediation Training©

Tip 4 Know the 10 Divorce Danger Signs©:

1. Whispered conversations
   
2. Concealed cell phone calls and bills
   
3. Secret travel plans
   
4. Sudden weight loss
   
5. Unpaid household bills
   
6. New wardrobe
   
7. Unexplained gifts
   
8. Feathering the nest
   
9. Pornography
   
10. Love letters you never wrote

Tip 5 Beware if you are married to a “Divorce Expert”: an attorney, mediator or therapist.

Tip 6 Understand how to identify a “Terrorist Marriage”:

1. Spouse who abandons the home, leaving the family destitute
   
2. Spouse who falsely alleges child abuse
   
3. Spouse who violates the boundaries of family members, through verbal or physical violence.

Tip 7 Prepare yourself and your children with your “DIVORCE 911 TEAM”

1. Attorney
   
2. Private detective/body guard
   
3. Women's shelter phone number and address
   
4. Personal physician/ cardiologist
   
5. Local hospital directions
   
6. 24 hour Locksmith
   
7. Moving/storage company
   
8. Rent-a-truck information
   
9. Family members for children/pets emergency drop-off
   
10. Emergency equipment including car, suitcases

Dear Divorce Coach,

My divorce hasn't been filed and I can't get my lawyer to file it. He agreed to a fee that was paid in full then sent a bill for almost the same amount. I have the cancelled check for the service. How do I get it filed?

Sincerely yours,

Dialing for Filing

Dear Dialing,

Your local Bar Association offers mediation for clients dissatisfied with their attorneys but this process will take time!  Though you paid the attorney, you may find that he cites "extenuating circumstances" and stated that "if ....happens ...then ....more money will be required". Therefore, you may have a divorce paralegal file for you or find another attorney. Though you feel angry and need fairness, your desire for a timely divorce may be senior to financial considerations. Only you can decide.

Sincerely yours,

Ask The Divorce Coach,

Susan Allan

Dear Divorce Coach,

I was looking at our cable bill and noticed some ordering of porn. My husband was ordering the porn and he says he feels he's addicted. He said he was happy I caught him because he feels it's disgusting and he was a bit embarrassed. So he said he would never do it again. Well, I was cleaning my house the other day and my cat of all things started playing with something under our dresser. I then realized it was a DVD holder for a porn flick!! The point is that I find it disgusting that he does this. Is this wrong of me? Can you help me straighten this out in my head? When we make love its wonderful. I'm hoping this doesn't ruin the wonderful relationship we have. I'm shaking right now and on the verge of tears. I had a hard time yesterday walking into the house.

Sincerely yours,

Vexed and Sexed

Dear Vexed,

This is a very sensitive issue that can often ruin a wonderful marriage. I offer a free 1 hour phone session to couples wishing to communicate more lovingly. Reading , "When we make love its wonderful", that is most important; that both your needs are met together. I assume that you don't have children who can be exposed to "porn”. It is not that either of you is wrong but couples may learn new ways to speak and listen to each other without criticism of themselves or each other. Then, once you learn new ways of connecting in language, you may discover ways to be more intimate and passionate with one another.

Sincerely yours,

Ask The Divorce Coach,

Susan Allan

For support to improve your marriage please visit our new website, www.themarriageforum.com and for one hour of free, private telephone coaching, contact susanallan@thedivorceforum.com Featured on The LA Daily News' BookTalk™ 818-788-9722 x 3655. For 101 Divorce Survival Secrets, and free E-zine, visit www.thedivorceforum.com .